A Message from Goldline Parking Headquarters
To our esteemed members, clients, associates, and land-owning aristocrats — welcome back.
As we reach the halfway point of another year marked by traffic chaos, growing urban density, and a national fixation on “rules for all,” we felt it was time to reconnect with the people who matter. You. The drivers who do not ask for space. The drivers who take it. The drivers who see a double yellow line not as a barrier, but as decorative tarmac tape for the underemployed.
Firstly, thank you for continuing to embody everything Goldline stands for. Your Parking Invoices are not just paid. They are framed. Your presence outside tube stations, directly in front of bin stores, or magnificently astride two bays in Waitrose car parks brings tears to our eyes and rage to the pores of the masses. It’s art.
Secondly, a polite reminder. You are not required to justify your actions. We are hearing disturbing reports of some members apologising when confronted by members of the public. This is not the Goldline way. If someone questions your parking, do not explain. Simply gesture at your vehicle, look at their shoes, and continue with your day. Never argue with someone who earns less annually than your tyre replacement cost.
Thirdly, we are pleased to report that over 300 councils now recognise the Goldline Executive Badge as a signal to proceed directly to invoice processing, skipping the tiresome lecture about “offence codes” or “accessibility”. Progress.
In less positive news, we regret to inform our Goldline BASIC users that the laminated dashboard cards must now be displayed right-side-up. Too many of you have been stopped by enforcement officers who are not yet literate in discretion. We understand you are new to the concept of premium parking and we remain patient. Just not overly.
Finally, a note on public backlash. If you find yourself being photographed, filmed, or shouted at by a person with visible lanyard marks or NHS discount stickers on their car, do not engage. Smile. Know that your existence ruined their day, and that is something money can buy.
We thank you for your continued loyalty, your impeccable sense of spatial entitlement, and your unwavering belief that the road belongs to those who drive better vehicles.
From all of us at Goldline Parking,
Please continue to park wherever makes you happy.
Warmest regards,
Peregrine L. Wroughton-Daventry, Esq.
Executive Chairman
Goldline Parking Ltd