Membership Tiers
For Those Who Understand That Value Isn’t Itemised
At Goldline Parking, we don’t publish prices. Not because we lack transparency, but because transparency is for services with something to prove. We offer a range of tailored tiers for individuals who do not wait, do not explain, and certainly do not browse pricing pages looking for bullet points and VAT breakdowns.
Below is a brief overview of our membership categories. If any of this requires clarification, you’re in the wrong car.
Goldline BASIC
For the hopeful commuter who just got promoted out of the puddle.
Includes a sticker. Some paperwork. Occasional forgiveness. Most members use this tier to say they’re members while quietly aspiring to anything else. Support is provided on a queue-based system, sorted by surname value and boot capacity.
Cost: Slightly more than it’s worth, which is the whole point.
Goldline Standard
The minimum acceptable standard for people who already refuse to parallel park.
Enjoy selected leniency, reduced judgement, and the feeling that you’ve graduated from the peasant lanes of civic compliance. The Goldline Standard badge is printed with real foil, not that digital rubbish.
Cost: Enough that you’ll pretend it was a gift.
Goldline Executive
This is where excuses end and engines idle on pavements.
Priority invoice handling. Incident discretion. Access to restricted zones that technically don’t exist. Members of this tier do not get questioned, only nodded at.
Cost: Somewhere between an annual salary and a short-lived divorce.
Goldline Platinum Sovereign Reserve Private Access Club Level
For those whose parking privileges are spoken of with quiet reverence.
You do not apply for this. You are either born eligible or contacted quietly by a man with a heavy folder. Includes diplomatic discouragement, ceremonial clamping exemptions, and the right to park in locations that have no business being accessible by car.
Cost: Absorbed directly by the economy.
How to Join
You don’t. You are either invited or found by us through patterns in your spending habits and vehicle placement history. If you still require a form or dropdown menu, please exit this page and return to your duties.
Refunds and Cancellations
No. This is not a gym. If you joined by mistake, you’ve made a very expensive one.
Still Have Questions?
So did BASIC tier members. For a while.